The strongest emotional attachment for most kids is with their mother. They laugh with her, ask for help, and make countless demands, but they also often vent their deepest rage and defiance at her. Some kids act properly with everyone else but are rude and defiant just with their moms. What causes this to happen?
For example, 12-year-old Tina (a fake name) has recently started becoming furious when her mother talks to her. She won’t listen, gets angry, and acts out. A year ago, she loved her mom. Her mother says things started to change about 7–8 months ago, not long after Tina’s baby brother was born. Tina has been throwing more tantrums and being disobedient, especially toward her mother, since then.
Her mother attempts to get her back by giving her her favorite food, toys, and love, but nothing seems to work. Tina’s increasing rudeness, stubbornness, and emotional withdrawal show that she is going through a lot of emotional stress. She probably feels less valued and like she’s not getting enough attention since her sister came. This is a classic case of Sibling Rivalry Disorder, when the older child feels like they don’t belong and acts out.
Is this kind of emotional behavior toward the mother strange?
Not really. This habit has a number of psychological causes:
- Bond of attachment A child creates a strong emotional bond with their main caregiver, who is usually their mother, right after they are born. The child makes the mother the focus of their world by giving them food, sleep, care, and comfort. Her presence, fragrance, and touch make kids feel safe. Of course, any threat to this link can make people feel very angry or clingy.
- Freedom and the ability to show emotions Children often feel angry. It often happens when kids are growing up and trying to be independent, push limits, or attract attention. Kids sometimes throw fits solely to get attention, especially from the parent they feel closest to.
- Stages of Development As kids become older, they naturally want to be independent and express themselves. This can sometimes cause problems with parents, especially with the mother, who is usually the major source of discipline or emotional support. It’s funny that they feel safest telling their mother how upset or unhappy they are with her since they trust her.
- Psychological or environmental problems that are hiding If a child is very rebellious, think about other things: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) Disorders that affect intellectual development A dwelling that is toxic or unstable Bad parenting techniques, such being too strict, too easygoing, or inattentive These situations typically need to be looked at and guided by a specialist.
What Should Parents Do? It’s not enough to provide a child decent food, education, or love. It also needs: Emotionally supportive parenting A good family setting Discipline and regularity that are always the same Parents should have strong, respectful connections with each other. So, if you see your child acting differently: Don’t punish or control too much Don’t just say, “That’s normal child behavior.” Talk to your child and listen to what they have to say with compassion and understanding. Instead of yelling at them, help them deal with their feelings. Think on how you act as a parent and fix your own mistakes. If you need help, get it from a professional. The Last Word Kids may act out, but there is typically an emotion, a need for comfort, or a need for attention behind every tantrum. Instead of getting angry, show that you care, understand, and support the other person. That’s how trust increases and problems with behavior start to get better.