Alright, listen up! You hit the big 3-0 and suddenly—bam!—your once glorious, sparkling, Joey-approved eyes are lookin’ like you just binge-watched an entire season of your ex’s vacation videos. What gives?
Well, turns out there’s some real science-y stuff behind it. But don’t worry, I got you. Let’s break it down… Joey-style.
- Sleep, Baby!
You need seven hours of sleep, at least. No, not a nap between lunch and pizza. Real sleep. I know you think you’re fine on 4–5 hours (you’re not), but your eyes? Yeah, they’re snitching on you. Dark circles, puffy bags, and eyes sinking like a bad date? That’s your body saying, “Dude, go to bed!”
Pro tip: Don’t let sleep be your Ross. Get back together with it.
- Stress—The Not-So-Friendly Friend
You know what stress does? It makes your face look like you just lost a meatball sub. All the sparkle? Gone. Your vibes? Dead. So chill out! Play with puppies, eat some cheesecake, or just watch TV in your favorite stretchy pants.
And hey—stop comparing your life to others. Especially if their name rhymes with Gandler Bing.
- Whoa There, Weight Loss!
Losing weight is cool, but if you go too fast, your face starts to sag, your eyes get all hollow, and next thing you know, you’re being mistaken for your own grandpa. Easy fix? Slow it down, champ. Half a kilo a week, tops. Oh, and drink water! No, not coffee. Real, clear, H2O magic. Your eyeballs need it.
- Also, eat stuff with names you can’t pronounce—like anti-ox…anti…whatever. They’re good for ya!
- Wanna Look Like a Snack Again? Try These Joey-Approved Tricks:
- Veggies and fruit: Not as good as pizza, but your skin loves ’em.
- Hydrate! Water, juice, whatever makes your skin say, “Thank you, sweet angel.”
- Rock those sunglasses: Bonus points if they make you look like a Hollywood superstar.
- Cucumbers on the eyes: Feels fancy. Do it for 10–20 mins and pretend you’re at a spa.
- Moisturize, baby! Even guys can do it. It’s 2025, bro.
- Warm tea bags under the eyes: Yeah, you heard me. It’s weird, but it works.
- Cut back on caffeine: GASP! But maybe just a little.
- No smoking! Your lungs—and your eyeballs—will thank you.
One Last Thing…
Sure, you could go all fancy with dermal filler and stuff… but that’s like putting cheese on a bad pizza—it won’t fix the crust, bro. If your eyes still look like they lost a fight with gravity, go see a doc.
But mostly? Love your face. Love your life. And maybe go take a nap.
How YOU doin’? (Better now, right?)